


The Food Burglar

by Sephinova



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Food, May Cause Hunger, Out of Character, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 21:42:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13443981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sephinova/pseuds/Sephinova
Summary: There’s someone stealing food in Edge. Cloud and Tifa take it upon themselves to find out who the culprit is.





	The Food Burglar

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfiction is the result of @idariddle on Tumblr and I exchanging our ideas and headcanons with each other. I’m very sorry that it’s badly written, I’m a beginner at story writing and this’s my second proper fanfiction that isn’t in script form (I’m still working on my first fanfic which is taking me an eternity to finish). Also, the fanfic’s a bit long, not meant to be taken seriously and it starts off very boring but it gets amusing after a certain point (which isn’t too far into the story). It’s easy to tell which parts I enjoyed writing the most. lol
> 
> You can also read this on Tumblr: https://sephinova.tumblr.com/post/169965872466/the-food-burglar

“This’s the fifth time this month our food has been stolen! We need food not only for ourselves but for my business, too!” Tifa stomped out of the kitchen and into the bar. “I’ve read in the newspapers that the burglar only steals food and cookbooks and targets households and establishments that have high-quality food at night.” Cloud stated. “Could the burglar have a business that is struggling?” Tifa wondered walking over to Cloud who was sitting on one of 7th Heaven’s bar stools. “Who knows? It also says there’s been no evidence to suggest who they could be. I’m sure they’ll slip up eventually. We’ll have to keep on the lookout.” “Why don’t we ask around Edge? Maybe someone knows something, it’s worth a try.” Tifa suggested. “Yeah, let’s do that. We could ask at The Golden Mu first, they’ve had the most break-ins and is the most famous restaurant in Edge.” Cloud and Tifa made their way to the bar’s entrance. 

-

Cloud and Tifa entered The Golden Mu restaurant, a young waitress with short light-brown hair smiled at them. “Welcome to The Golden Mu, Sir, Ma'am. Do you have a reservation with us today?” The waitress politely greeted. “No, we don’t. I’m Tifa Lockhart, I’m the owner of the 7th Heaven bar. Is it possible to talk with the owner of this establishment? It’s about the food burlaries.” Tifa inquired. The waitress pointed to the bar area of the restaurant. “You see that man over there wearing the blue shirt? That’s Mr. Gleaves, the owner.” 

Tifa thanked the waitress and the duo walked on over to the middle-aged restaurant owner who was cleaning a glass. “Hello, what can I get you both today?” Mr. Gleaves smiled. “Excuse us, Mr. Gleaves. I’m Tifa Lockhart, the owner of the 7th Heaven bar and this’s my friend, Cloud, he sometimes helps me run it. We want to ask you about your experiences with the food burglaries.” “Have you been burgled, too?” Mr. Gleaves asked. The duo nodded. Mr. Gleaves sighed. “Come to my office, we’ll talk there. Follow me.”

Cloud and Tifa followed Mr. Gleaves to a door that had a sign that read ‘STAFF ONLY’, the owner entered a number in the code locker and opened the door. They walked midway down a small hallway and entered his office. “Please have a seat.” Mr. Gleaves gestured over to two chairs and walked over to his office chair, they all sat down.

“To be honest with you both, my experiences might not be of any help.” The owner said doubtfully. “Just tell us what you know.” Cloud encouraged. Mr. Gleaves scratched his head and sighed. “At the beginning, I thought I knew who was causing these burglaries. I have a couple of employees who have been struggling financially these past few months and I thought they were the ones behind it… until I heard the same thing was happening to other businesses on the same nights. Also, I have CCTV in this premises and looking at the footage of the nights where the burglaries took place there was no one to be seen… however, I did notice something strange with the times on the recordings. The time skips ten or more minutes once in each recording, it seems that the burglar is able to disable the CCTV.”

“But wouldn’t they need to have access the building in order to disable it?” Tifa questioned. “That’s what I thought. There’s CCTV leading to our control room and in our storage room where our electricity switch box is, they are the only ways in order to disable them and the burglar would have been seen by the cameras.” Mr. Gleaves stated crossing his arms. 

“Maybe someone’s been using a hacking device?” Cloud suggested. Mr. Gleaves nodded in agreement. “Hmmm, you could be right.” “Have you noticed any signs of a forced entry?” Cloud asked. “Absolutely none. I lock this place up tighter than the Shinra Company’s money vault. The burglar must have a very sophisticated skill in breaking and entering.” Mr. Gleaves said. 

“Do you know of any businesses that have been struggling?” Tifa asked. “I’ve heard of a couple that’s been trying to keep their heads above water, it’s not so much that they have poor ingredients but it’s because they have bad customer service.” Mr. Gleaves replied.

There wasn’t any more information to be gained, they thanked the restaurant owner and left.

-

Cloud and Tifa had asked at three more businesses, but it was more or less the same story as The Golden Mu. They walked back home contemplating what to do next. “I feel as though we haven’t gotten anywhere.” Tifa said disappointingly. “Maybe the culprit used to work for Shinra? They could be an ex-Turk.” Cloud guessed. But why would an ex-Turk steal food and cookbooks? If they were struggling financially to feed themselves wouldn’t it benefit them more to steal money or valuable items? Something wasn’t adding up, none of this was making any sense.

“I was thinking maybe we could take turns every couple of hours to keep watch at the bar at night, we might be able to catch the burglar.” Tifa suggested. “That could work unless they’ll be able to tell if someone’s there and you’re willing to go without a full night’s sleep?” Cloud asked. “If it’s to catch whoever’s behind this.” “Then it’s a plan.” Cloud agreed. 

-

Fifteen nights had passed since Cloud and Tifa put their plan into action. It was 3 AM and it was Cloud’s turn on guard duty. Cloud yawned still half-asleep as he sat waiting in the bar, these nights had been taking their toll on him and it didn’t help that he had to get up early in the morning to send out deliveries.

This was the longest the burglar hadn’t attempted to steal from 7th Heaven but was still stealing from other places. Cloud was certain that the burglar knew that he was keeping watch, they had to be using some kind of advanced technology, there couldn’t be any other explanation.

Cloud’s eyes felt very heavy, he was struggling to keep awake. He kept telling himself to persevere and that the burglar could strike at any time, but oh how very exhausted he was.

Half an hour had past and Cloud succumbed to his fatigue and fell into a much-needed sleep.

After a short while, the silence of the bar had been broken by quiet footsteps that came closer and closer to the sleeping Cloud. “Sleeping whilst on guard duty? You disappoint me, Cloud. But I’ll take this to my advantage and ensure you won’t get in the way.” Sephiroth whispered as he cast the Sleepel spell on Cloud to keep him from waking up.

Sephiroth entered the kitchen and dropped the large sack he was carrying onto the floor. He opened the fridge, pleased with the ample selection of food he grabbed fruit, vegetables, eggs, milk and… what was this? A plate with a slice of cake inside a plastic cloche with a label that read 'CLOUD’S. DO NOT TOUCH.’ A mischievous grin spread across Sephiroth’s face as he picked up the cake and took a big bite out of it, but as soon as the cake touched his tongue he cringed. Lemon flavored and little stale, disgusting!

Sephiroth next raided the freezer and pantry smiling to himself with the plans he had for the food. He put all that he needed into the sack and walked out of the kitchen and back into the bar and looked towards Cloud. “Give Tifa my thanks for the food that she has provided. I’ll be back at another time.”

-

“Cloud! Wake up! Wake up, Cloud!” Tifa nagged tapping Cloud’s shoulder. Cloud grumbled in annoyance, Tifa better have a good enough reason to wake him up from his dream of entering the Chocobo Racing Grand Prix. “How could you fall asleep!? We’ve been burgled again! I thought you were going to wake me up hours ago for guard duty!” Cloud’s eyes snapped open in shock. “Ww-What!?” “Just come into the kitchen and have a look for yourself!” Cloud barely awake got up and followed Tifa into the kitchen.

Cloud opened the fridge and saw at least half of their food had been stolen. Of all the nights the burglar had to strike was when Cloud was too tired to keep awake, what rotten luck. “I’m so sorry, Tifa. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” Cloud apologized. “I understand it’s been difficult for you, even I’ll admit that I’ve nearly dozed off several times.” Tifa empathized.

Cloud was about to close the fridge until he noticed something strange about his slice of lemon cake. On closer inspection Cloud’s eyes widened, someone had taken a bite out of his cake! “Who the hell has bitten into my cake!? I was gonna eat that today! Was it that burglar!?” Cloud yelled. Cloud remembered that in the early hours of the morning he opened the fridge to get a drink of milk and his precious cake was fine. Whoever that burglar was must be some kind of sadist.

“I will make you another lemon cake sometime or you can always buy one.” Tifa reassured Cloud. But lemon cake was Cloud’s absolute favorite, it was a sin to waste it but he wasn’t going to eat it now that burglar had gotten their filthy germs all over it. Cloud vowed to himself that he’ll deck that son of a bitch when he finds them.  
-  
“I’ve made some curry for you, Mother.” Sephiroth put a plate of curry and rice on the dining table in front of Jenova. “Thank you, Sephiroth. This smells wonderful.” Jenova picked up her spoon and scooped up some of the tasty food and put it in her mouth, she softly hummed in pleasure as the heat of the spices filled her mouth.

Sephiroth sat down with his plate of food and looked at Jenova, seeing her happy brought him so much joy. “I never knew eating was so pleasurable until you introduced me to it.” Jenova told Sephiroth before taking another bite. “I also made a chocolate cake for dessert.” As soon as Sephiroth mentioned chocolate cake Jenova’s eyes lit up with delight. “You spoil me too much, darling!” Jenova affectionately caressed Sephiroth’s face with one of her tentacles. “You’re worth spoiling, Mother.” Sephiroth replied as he leaned his head against his mother’s tentacle.

“I’ll have to cook you something again in return.” Mother cooking again? Oh no… “You don’t have to do that, I’m more than happy to cook for you.” It wasn’t that Sephiroth disliked Jenova’s cooking… well, maybe a little. It was often that her creations were extreme or unique. She would put too much of an ingredient into her cooking or she mixed foods that didn’t go well together, like the time she made a jalapeno pepper, raspberry, coconut and fish stew… Sephiroth couldn’t believe how he managed to stomach that. But when she cooked by the book they were delicious and satisfying meals and Sephiroth was always hungry for seconds.

“I want to cook for you to show my appreciation.” Jenova replied. But despite the randomness of Jenova’s cooking, it made Sephiroth very happy to know that he was appreciated and thought of fondly by his dear mother and no matter what she cooks for him he would endure it. “Thank you, Mother. You’re too kind.”

-

A few days had passed since 7th Heaven had been burgled a sixth time and Tifa was tending to her customers until her phone rang. “Hello, this’s 7th Heaven, Tifa Lockhart speaking. How may I help you?” She answered the call. “Hello Miss Lockhart, it’s Mr. Gleaves, the owner of The Golden Mu restaurant. There’s something you need to know…”

-

Later that evening Cloud, Tifa, Marlene and Denzel sat in the bar eating their dinner. “I got a call from the owner of The Golden Mu today and he said he had an encounter with the food burglar last night.” Tifa told everyone. “What happened? Do they know who it was?” Cloud asked. “Mr. Gleaves and a couple of his friends stayed overnight at his restaurant to see if they could catch the burglar. The burglar came and when they attempted to catch him, he cast the Sleepel spell on them.” Tifa explained whilst cutting into her food. 

“Do they know what he looks like?” Denzel asked. “He said that the burglar had cut the power again so they couldn’t see him very well. But they could tell that the burglar was a tall man and had Mako eyes.” “Could the burglar be a former SOLDIER?” Cloud wondered. “He also said that one of his friends managed to turn on his torch just before the Sleepel spell was cast and he saw that burglar was wearing what looked like black leather boots and a long coat.”

Tall, Mako eyes, black leather boots, and a long coat? There was only one person that came to Cloud’s mind that would fit that description; Sephiroth.  
But Sephiroth is dead and why would he want to steal food of all things? Something like food would be beneath him. The thought of Sephiroth being the food burglar was utterly ridiculous, no way was it him.

“I think we may have more chance of catching that burglar if we equip ourselves with Ribbons to ward off negative status effects. Instead of staying in the bar, we may have more luck listening out for him from upstairs.” Cloud suggested. “We should be very careful if it’s an ex-SOLDIER, who knows what he could be capable of.” Tifa cautioned.

“I know you’ll catch the burglar, I believe in you both!” Marlene cheered. “Yeah! You can do it!” Denzel chimed in. Cloud and Tifa smiled with renewed confidence. “Thanks, kids.”

-

Today was the day Jenova was going to cook for Sephiroth. She put on her magenta apron that had writing on it that said 'Universe’s Greatest Mom’, she washed her hands and tentacles and rinsed the vegetables she was going to use.

Jenova decided to go by the book and make 'Sweet and Sour Chocobo’ for dinner and 'Banora White Apple Crumble with Custard’ for dessert. She never thought that something this mundane was so enjoyable, the end results excited her so much she could almost taste them.

With her hands and three pairs of tentacles, Jenova began cutting her vegetables and Chocobo meat. She was thankful for having tentacles, they were great for multitasking and getting things done a lot quicker. Jenova knew that she would have to awaken Sephiroth’s dormant tentacles sometime, she would teach him how to use them to their full potential as they would greatly help him when he cooked… and among other things.

“Do you need any help, Mother?” Sephiroth asked standing just outside the kitchen. “I’m fine, you just relax and I’ll call you when it’s ready.” Jenova reassured her son.

-

It was dinner time. Sephiroth sat at the dining table as Jenova dished up their food. The food smelt very appetizing to Sephiroth, however, he couldn’t help but feel a little apprehensive due to past experiences.

“I’ve made us 'Sweet and Sour Chocobo’, I hope you will enjoy it.” Jenova told Sephiroth as she placed his plate of food in front of him. Sephiroth picked up his cutlery and took a bite and it tasted amazing! The sweetness and the sourness of the sauce was a perfect blend and the Chocobo meat was tasty and tender.

“This’s exquisite, Mother!” Sephiroth exclaimed. “I’m happy that you think so. I’ve done quite well this time if I do say so myself.” Jenova smiled proudly. “Is there any more?” “Yes, but make sure you have enough room for dessert, I made 'Banora White Apple Crumble with Custard’.” 

Banora White Apples, they reminded Sephiroth of two people who he had known long ago. Jenova noticed Sephiroth’s quietness as soon as she mentioned the dessert. “Do you not like that dessert?” Jenova asked. “It’s not that, I was just lost in thought for a second. I’m looking forward to having some.”

-

Full and relaxed, Jenova sat on the floor in front of the fireplace in the living room with Sephiroth’s head resting on her lap as she lovingly stroked his face. “Thank you again for that wonderful meal, Mother.” Sephiroth thanked gently. “You’re most welcome.” Jenova replied.

“Sephiroth, I was wondering…” Sephiroth looked up at his mother. “…I would like to go with you when you collect food sometime.” Jenova requested. “All right, it’s just that…” She could hear the hint of hesitation in his voice. “Speak your mind, tell me what it is.” Jenova encouraged. “The people of Edge are on high alert because of me and I’ve already been confronted a couple of times.” Sephiroth explained. “Why don’t you just kill them if they get in your way?” Jenova answered Sephiroth’s easy to resolve problem. 

Sephiroth shook his head. “If I kill people that confront me, those establishments will most probably close in time due to the deaths of the owners. People will feel discouraged buying from them knowing a killing had taken place and it will make it difficult for me to steal quality food… and…” Sephiroth paused and smiled tenderly. “…I want us to continue to enjoy cooking and eating meals, I cherish these times we have to together.”

Sephiroth had a point. Jenova enjoyed spending quality time with her son, too. It was a pleasant change of pace from destroying planets, infecting and killing people and she didn’t want it to end anytime soon.

“Don’t worry, I can be stealthy.” Jenova reassured Sephiroth. “You coming with me we’ll be able to bring back twice the amount of food.” “That’s what I was thinking.” Jenova lightly giggled.

-

“What can you tell us about the burglar?” Tifa asked a teenage girl whose parents owned a small cafe and that she claimed to have seen the food burglar the night before. “Ummm… Last night I woke up 'cause I needed to need to use the bathroom and I heard a noise coming from downstairs. I first looked into my parents and little brother’s room 'cause I thought it might have been one of them downstairs, but they were all in their rooms asleep. I grabbed my baseball bat and went downstairs…” The girl fidgeted anxiously. “Didn’t you think to wake up your parents first?” Cloud asked. “I wasn’t thinking straight.”

The girl let out a big sigh. “The kitchen door was slightly open, I looked inside and all I saw were the burglar’s hands taking food out of the fridge… I-I froze, I was so scared, I didn’t know what to do.” Tifa placed her hand on the girl’s shoulder trying to comfort her. “After he left I must’ve waited at least half an hour before I went into the kitchen, I switched on the light and I found something on the floor. The girl went over to one of the kitchen’s drawers and pulled out a black feather. Cloud’s and Tifa’s eyes widened in shock, it couldn’t be…

’'Can I see that for a sec?” The girl handed the feather to Cloud. The feather looked just like Sephiroth’s, there was no doubt about it. On closer inspection, he noticed a single strand of long silver hair hanging from the feather.

“How many times do I have to tell you, dear? That feather isn’t from the burglar!” The girl’s mother walked into the room. “But mom! It IS from the burglar!” The girl argued. It wasn’t the burglar’s? How was this woman so certain? “How do you know?” Tifa asked the woman. “Last night before I went to bed I threw out an old moth-eaten dress I made years ago for a fancy dress competition, I had sewn black feathers onto it.” The woman explained with absolute certainty. “There’s a strand of silver hair hanging from this feath-” Cloud was cut off by the woman’s sudden burst of laughter. “I bought a silver wig to go with that dress!” 

“But that feather is a lot bigger compared to the feathers on that dress!” The girl protested. The mother and daughter argued amongst themselves, Cloud and Tifa weren’t sure on who to believe. Was it all a coincidence? “You said you threw that dress away, do you still have it in your garbage bin?” Cloud asked. “No, the garbage truck came to collect it not long before you two arrived.” The mother spoke. _Damn it._

“What did the burglar’s hands look like?” Tifa asked in a last attempt to get whatever little information out of the girl. “Uhhh, he was wearing black gloves.”

-

Tall, black clothes, Mako eyes and possibly the black feather and the single strand of long silver hair, all this evidence pointed to Sephiroth, but was it him? And not to mention the burglar was able to interfere with electricity, could Sephiroth do that? Cloud wasn’t sure.

“It’s hard to believe that the burglar could be Sephiroth, it doesn’t make any sense.” Tifa said in disbelief. “It’s completely out of character for him to do something like that, what would make him steal so much food for so long?” Cloud wondered aloud as they arrived back at the entrance to 7th Heaven. Surely Sephiroth didn’t come back from the Lifestream to simply commit petty crimes, what happened to him wanting to destroy the Planet and use it to travel the cosmos?

“We’ll have to be more vigilant if it’s him. Just the thought of him being alive makes me feel uneasy.” Tifa said worriedly as she took out her key out from her pocket. Cloud nodded in agreement. “What I’m concerned about is that Sephiroth could threaten the Planet again… I hope it isn’t him, but…” Cloud trailed off. Tifa unlocked the door, she looked back at Cloud with a concerned expression as she was about to step into the bar. “I hope so, too, Cloud.”

-

Tonight was the night that Jenova went with Sephiroth to go 'food collecting’. They flew over the city of Edge and landed on top of the tallest building in the entire city. “We’ll start from there and make our way to over there.” Sephiroth explained his directions whilst pointing out to different locations. “You have become quite familiar with this city, haven’t you?” Jenova commented clearly impressed. “I need to be if we want to continue having delicious meals.” Sephiroth stated. “Let’s go.”

-

Sephiroth and Jenova first broke into a cafe and headed for the kitchen and found that there were padlocks on the fridge and walk-in pantry. Sephiroth put his hand a few inches over the padlock to the pantry, with unseen force Sephiroth unlocked the pantry and opened the door. Jenova stepped into the pantry and her eyes lit up with amazement, there were so many different kinds of ingredients, many of which were perfect for making pastries and confectionaries.

Happy, Jenova snatched everything she liked the look of off the shelves and put them into her sack. She went back into the kitchen and saw Sephiroth put the last of what he needed into his sack, they smiled at each other and left for their next destination.

-

After collecting from a couple of other establishments, Sephiroth and Jenova returned atop the tallest building preparing to head back home, however, Sephiroth wasn’t ready to go back just yet. “Mother, there is one other place I want to collect from before I leave. Why don’t you head home? I’ll follow you soon after.” Sephiroth suggested. Another place? They had collected more than enough food that would last them at least just over a week and not to mention their sacks were nearly full.

“Where is that?” Jenova asked. “Cloud’s residence.” Sephiroth answered. Jenova frowned, she had thought that Sephiroth had gotten over that troublesome puppet. “Why does it have to be his place? Why can’t you collect from somewhere else?” Jenova asked, not hiding her irritation. “Cloud has a friend that lives and runs a drinks and food business there, the food she has is high quality and… ” Sephiroth’s lips turned up in a sadistic smirk. “…it gives me pleasure taking away Cloud’s food.”

Jenova mentally facepalmed, Sephiroth was not over Cloud whatsoever. It was pretty much impossible to convince Sephiroth not go through with his plans in regards to Cloud, even Jenova wouldn’t be able to convince him. She considered using her tentacles to drag him back home, but she knew he would make a big fuss about not getting his way and she didn’t want to potentially draw unwanted attention and get caught.

“I’ll come with you because I know what you’re like when it comes to the puppet.” Jenova insisted. “Mother, I can do this on my own, you can trust me. I’ve already taken his food from him six times and I haven’t been caught-” “YET. What will you do if he catches you?” Jenova interrupted. “I’ll cast Sleepel on him.” “And if that doesn’t work?” Sephiroth gently placed his hands on Jenova’s shoulders and smiled sweetly. “Please trust me, Mother.” He softly pleaded.

Jenova could feel the blood rushing to her face with the loving way Sephiroth gazed at and spoke to her, she knew she shouldn’t allow him to have his way. She sometimes hated herself for how soft she had become in recent years. 

Jenova sighed in frustration. “Fine. But make it quick, I don’t want the frozen food to start to thaw. I’ll wait here for you.” “Thank you, Mother. I’ll come back as soon as possible.” Sephiroth ascended and flew in the direction of 7th Heaven. 

Jenova watched Sephiroth as he flew away, she had a horrible feeling that she had just made a big mistake.

-

Marlene had woken up with a dry mouth and she sleepily sat up from her bed. “Can’t sleep, Marlene?” Denzel whispered. “I’m thirsty… why are you awake?” Marlene asked rubbing her eyes. “I woke up feeling hungry. Why don’t you get a cup of water from the bathroom?” “I want orange juice.” “You know we’re not allowed downstai-” “I. Want. Orange. Juice. You can get a snack if come down with me.” Marlene said yawning as she stood up. “We’ll get scolded again if Cloud and Tifa find out and what if the burglar’s downstairs!?” Denzel fretted. “They would have heard him by now if he was here.” Marlene said as she was about to open the door.

“Wait!” Not wanting Marlene to go alone Denzel jumped out of his bed and went to her side. “I’ll go with you, but we’ll have to be very quiet.” Denzel told Marlene and she nodded in agreement.

Denzel slowly opened their bedroom door, careful not to make a sound. The children tiptoed down the hallway and stairs. The kitchen door was open, the children assumed that either Cloud or Tifa must have accidentally left it open before calling it a night. From just outside the kitchen, Denzel reached for the light switch and flicked it on. As soon as they entered the kitchen they gasped, standing there was Sephiroth with a bag of carrots in his left hand and a cucumber in his right, he stared at the children with a blank expression and the children stared at him back.

 _What to do!? What to do!?_ The children thought to themselves. The burglar reminded them of three scary silver-haired men from a year-and-a-half-ago that had taken them to a faraway place, but this man looked even scarier than those men combined. And why haven’t Cloud and Tifa heard the burglar break-in!? They must have fallen asleep, so much for guard duty… But now that they had thought about it, they hadn’t even heard the burglar break-in. He must have the skills of a ninja.

 _Damn it_. Sephiroth had been caught and by children of all people. He noticed that the children were shocked with fear, he hoped that they were too scared to take any actions that would threaten him being caught by Cloud, Mother would be livid if that happened and yet part of him hoped that Cloud would catch him. Sephiroth wanted to see the look on Cloud’s face as the truth would be revealed that he was in fact the food burglar.

A full minute had passed of them staring at each other. Sephiroth was the first to make a move, ignoring the children he packed the vegetables into his sack. “STOP THEIF!!! THAT IS OUR FOOD!!!” Denzel screamed at the top of his lungs. “YEAH!!! STOP STEALING!!!” Marlene joined in. Sephiroth flinched at the children’s annoying shrieking, this was definitely going to get Cloud’s and Tifa’s attention. Hightail it out of here? Stay? Keep Mother sweet? Mess with Cloud a little? Sephiroth felt conflicted.

The decision had been made by the sounds of running coming from upstairs, Sephiroth was staying.

“Marlene! Denzel! Are you alright!?” Tifa frantically called out as she ran down the stairs and into the kitchen. Tifa’s eyes widened in disbelief at the man who was standing in her kitchen that she thought to be long dead, Cloud followed seconds later equally shocked. “It’s been a long time, Cloud… Tifa.” Sephiroth drawled. “Kids, go back into your room now!” Tifa ordered. The children retreated upstairs. 

Cloud and Tifa noticed their food on the kitchen worktops and the large sack of food on the floor, they’re worst fears had been confirmed. “I don’t believe it, you’re the one who’s been stealing food this whole time!” Cloud yelled. Sephiroth darkly chuckled. “That’s right, I am the food burglar of Edge.” “But why steal food!? Isn’t godhood and wanting to use this planet to travel the cosmos your goals!? When did you return from the Lifestream!?” Cloud demanded. “Initially, that was my plans. But I introduced Mother to the joys of eating and now we want to cook and enjoy meals together-” Sephiroth’s explained. “WHAT!?” Cloud and Tifa exclaimed in unison. Sephiroth couldn’t be serious. “It must have been about two of months ago…” Sephiroth continued with his explanation.

-

_Sephiroth and Jenova flew out from the Nothern Cave, after years it was time to finally end the lives of their enemies and use the Planet as a vessel to travel the cosmos to a new planet to create their shining future as gods.  
_

_They headed in the direction of Edge, but Sephiroth wasn’t quite ready to initiate their plans just yet. Sephiroth was able to now sustain his body without the need for nutrition, yet he was having a craving for Wutainese food and on top of that, he hadn’t eaten in eight years.  
_

_Sephiroth stopped in mid-air and after a couple of seconds Jenova noticed and stopped to turn around to face Sephiroth. “What’s wrong?” Jenova asked. “Mother, I have a small request. May we go to Wutai, please?” “Why?” “I am having a craving for Wutainese food.” Jenova raised an eyebrow. “You know that you no longer need nourishment to survive.” Jenova stated. “I know that, but it tastes good. I promise I won’t take long, please?”  
_

_What was the point of eating if it’s not to sustain oneself? Tastes good? Jenova couldn’t understand her son’s reasoning. As much as she desperately wanted to achieve her dream of destroying the Planet that she had for the past 2000 years she would allow Sephiroth’s request, he wasn’t asking much of her after all. “If that is what you wish.”_

-

_Jenova sat on a rock by a beach near Wutai waiting for Sephiroth to return. She was concerned about Sephiroth’s cravings for food, he would find godhood difficult if he still continued to cling to such weak human needs.  
_

_Sephiroth descended with a plastic bag, he sat on a rock next to his mother and pulled out two transparent boxes and two pairs of chopsticks. “Would you like to try some, Mother?” Sephiroth offered holding out a box and chopsticks to Jenova. “No, thank you. I can survive without it.” Jenova declined. “Let me know if you change your mind.” And if she doesn’t, all the more for him.  
_

_Sephiroth opened the box of food, he twirled a few noodles around his chopsticks and popped them into his mouth. He sighed in satisfaction, oh how he had missed Wutainese cuisine.  
_

_Jenova observed Sephiroth, he seemed to be relishing the food with every mouthful. She had to admit that the food smelled surprisingly nice and she noticed that her mouth began to water, she never had this reaction before. Maybe there was more to food than simply consuming it as a means of survival.  
_

_“I want to try some.” Jenova said. Sephiroth smiled as Jenova took out the contents of the plastic bag with her tentacles. Using the chopsticks, she picked up some of the noodles and put them in her mouth. Jenova’s eyes widened and a long moan filled with pleasure escaped her. The spices of the sauce made her mouth tingle, the soft textures of the noodles, the tenderness of the meat and the slight crunchiness of the vegetables were astonishing! Where had this been all her life!? Why hadn’t she discovered this sooner!? This was life changing!  
_

_Sephiroth was taken aback by his mother’s reaction, it almost sounded like she was…  
_

_“Th-this’s… how you would describe 'delicious’!?” Jenova said breathlessly before she ate more. “I’m pleased that you think so, Mother.” Sephiroth commented. “Are all foods this delicious?” “Not all, it depends on personal preferences. There are many different types of cuisines and countless recipes, cooking is all about trying out ideas and methods.” Countless!? Jenova wanted-no, NEEDED to try all these foods.  
_

_“Change of plans. I’m going to learn how to cook and make delicious meals. I need to discover every recipe and flavor imaginable. This… is my new calling!” Jenova declared._

-

“…and that’s how I introduced Mother to food.” Sephiroth finished. Cloud and Tifa stared at Sephiroth, jaws dropped, dumbfounded and speechless.

-

 _What is taking Sephiroth so long!?_ Jenova thought to herself as she popped another grape into her mouth. Her patience was wearing very thin. She should have known better than to trust her son when it came to the puppet. 

Not wanting to wait any longer Jenova took flight to Cloud’s place, she hoped that Sephiroth wouldn’t have gotten himself killed by the time she got there.

-

“So, you’re telling us that the reason why you’re not going to destroy the planet is that Jenova has become a foodie!?” Tifa exclaimed flabbergasted. “That is correct.” Sephiroth reaffirmed. “I don’t believe this!” Cloud groaned. Jenova, The Calamity from the Skies who has attempted to destroy the planet and all it took to stop her was to give her food!? The extinction of the Cetra and all the mess that happened years after could have been prevented!

“Think of it this way, I taking your food is a very small price to pay in order to keep the Planet safe. Do you not agree?” Sephiroth spoke as he opened the fridge. “I have a business to run, bills to pay and mouths to feed! If you and Jenova feel so strongly about cooking, why don’t you get a job and buy your own food!? And get out of my fridge!” Tifa yelled. “He wouldn’t be able to get a job because no one would want to hire someone who tried to destroy the Planet!” Cloud remarked.

Sephiroth ignored the duo and picked up a pie from the fridge and eyed it. “Put my pie down, Sephiroth!” Tifa demanded. “It would be such a shame if something were to happen to this pie, wouldn’t it?” Sephiroth threatened as he fixed his eyes on Cloud.

Sephiroth placed his right hand just a couple of inches above the pie and made small, slow movements as if to imitate caressing. “Put it down!” Cloud barked becoming increasingly more pissed off. Next Sephiroth brought the pie close to his lips, he opened his mouth, daring to bite into it.

All of a sudden Sephiroth threw the pie at Cloud. With quick thinking and agility, Cloud barely dodged the pie and SPLAT! Sephiroth’s face changed from a cruel smirk to a look of pure horror as he stared at where the pie had landed. The foil casing fell, Jenova’s face was covered in cherry pie. 

“I am so sorry, Mother!” Sephiroth cried out. Overcome with humor, Cloud and Tifa couldn’t help but snicker at the amusing scene. Sephiroth glared menacingly at the duo, if looks could kill they would have been dead at least five times over.

Jenova began to wipe the sweet treat off with her hands. “Hold on, Mother!” Sephiroth grabbed a dishcloth and put it under a tap and dampened it with warm water. Sephiroth rushed over to his mother and began to clean her face and all the while she glared at him with absolute disappointment. 

“I am very sorry, if I had known you were there I would have nev-mmph!?” Abruptly, Jenova rubbed Sephiroth’s face with her cherry pie covered hands. Sephiroth stepped back at the unexpected sticky assault, Cloud’s and Tifa’s snickering burst into laughter. “I should have known better than to trust you!” Jenova snapped at her son and stormed out of 7th Heaven. “I’m sorry for betraying your trust, Mother!” Sephiroth called out to Jenova as he snatched his sack of stolen goods and hurriedly followed after her.

Cloud and Tifa chased after Sephiroth, but by the time they made it outside Sephiroth had flown away. “NEVER COME BACK HERE AGAIN! DO YOU HEAR ME!?” Tifa shouted hoping that Sephiroth would hear her. “He’ll be back.” Cloud grumbled.

-

Jenova hadn’t spoken a word to Sephiroth since the night before at 7th Heaven, he figured that she needed some time on her own to cool off. He felt genuinely bad for betraying her trust and wanted to somehow make it up to her. He should have skedaddled out of Cloud’s place as soon as those children had discovered him.

Sephiroth entered the kitchen and found Jenova washing her hands and tentacles. “Mother, I am truly sorry. I don’t expect your forgi-” “I forgive you, Sephiroth. I know you didn’t mean to throw that pie at me. But you must learn to not allow your hatred of the puppet to get the better of you, he has been your undoing three times already.” Jenova spoke calmly with a hint of firmness to her voice with her back to her son.

Sephiroth nodded slightly. “Yes, Mother.” Truthfully he disagreed with her that his hatred for Cloud had been getting the better of him, he believed it didn’t whatsoever. But he was relieved that Mother had forgiven him so soon or at all for that matter. 

“Is there any way I can make it up to you?” Jenova thought for a moment at Sephiroth’s offer and a mischievous smirk tugged at her lips. “Yes, there is. I’ll be cooking dinner tonight and I’ll be making my 'specialty’ jalapeno pepper, raspberry, coconut and fish stew. And I expect you to eat EVERY SINGLE BITE.” Sephiroth felt instantly queasy, he should have just kept his mouth shut.


End file.
